Rant:Downtown, the delightfully deplorable.

I had an important errand to run in the downtown area on Friday.  Visiting downtown is oftentimes therapeutic for me so I welcomed the opportunity to head on out.

Siddung inna di 22A bus headed fi downtown wid one million, seven 'undred and eighty five t'ousand, two 'undred and sixty seven(1,785,267) pickeney.  Ah dizzy from di counting.  Ribbons everywhere. Puberty inna full swing wid teenage bump a leap outta di pickeney dem pores-woi!  Every strand of hair inna di gyal pickney dem head 'tan up in stric' obedience to di styling gel.  Yuh notice seh yuh rarely see a natural hair pickeney again eida mi shudda tun hairdressa fi mek nuff money or mi fi go mek creme.

One dumb man come on pon di bus a sell peanut cake, drops an' grater cake(yuh did affi look fi know).  Di pickney dem a tease him cause a di likkle funny soun' him a mek-dem nuh fraid? Yes dem bawn areddy, but dem pickney dem nuh bawn yet-anyt'ing possible.

Barry G a play inna background. Dah man yah still deh bout?  Watch ya!  Health foundation at dat! I love JA!  Mi look outta di winda fi divert mi attention from di boring Immaculate high past student pon di radio wid Barry G-a mi alma mater but mi cyaa compromise wid dis young miss-she borin' bad! No support!
Unnu look yah- mi jus see some tiefin' police a check high powered vehicles fi rake in a bribe money-times hard yes.  Ah cyaah manage!
Bike man, truck man, jilapy(jalopy), crissas, everybaddy deh pon road whedda dem have 1/2 tank a gas or it full or di red light weh signify 'empty' a blink inna one hypnotic sequence, whedda dem have insurance or not, buy license or not, everybaddy a travel.

NO! a who poop inna di govament AC yellow bus?  Ah cyaah concentrate-dah poop yah real enuh star!

As mi look up mi si  di Vienna sausage mascot 'Vinnie' pon di billboard wid 'im guitar, mi neva even realize seh ah so sachiz(sausage) ha' talent.

Yuh si dis yah bleach out face gyal yah? When mi seh nepazone, jaze, full strent clorox, wid a splash of Harpic!!!Woy-yo-yoy!

Mi reach downtown-into the heart of the concrete jungle. Mi seh when mi pitch deh mi clearly see why dem call it so, cause a pure doggish, hoggish, animalistic behaviour di people dem a carry on wid.

Di rich aroma of weed permeate the already thick downtown atmosphere.  Mi mek sure mi rehearse what a  composite numba is, lip a jump fi ansa(refer to blog entitled  Inglorious ganja http://whamiseh.blogspot.com/2012/09/inglorious-ganja.html).

If you see di 'mount a people dem weh have on tattoo pon every part of dem anatomy, den dem bleach out dem skin till it thin an' ready fi bruk out inna sore.  NO SAH!!!!!  What is happening????  Den dem siddung inna di sunhot underneat' ten layer of clothes.  Mi spirit grope when mi see dem.  Yuh all a drop an' a 'pread weh how dem false yeyelash dem long an a trip yuh.  Anytime dem blink is a mighty gust of wind blow cross di nation. Why can't we be ourselves?  Mi naw seh wi cyaa augment enuh-caw mi personally like fi tweak here an' there, but altering one's skin tone, mutilating your body parts is beyond normal.  'Pose yuh see piercing?  Everyweh bore up AN LOOK BAD.  If it did look good well...A wah do wi?!?!?!  No mi ask wid all seriousness.

It just want one big sign dung deh fi heng crassway di light post dem weh read-ZOO.  Mi a put it to di Minister of Tourism fi consider showcasing di exotic wildlife weh deh inna di downtown area. Trus mi-dah one yah name Farrin Exchange!  

Encourage yourself

Mi feel down yuh see?   Mi was supposed to go to a programme today but neva got to go.  Mi feel like a sell-out star, then on top of that I baked a VERY special cake for someone who I care about deeply.  He's like a father, no sah,more like an uncle to me.  He was less than impressed and I plummeted, I mean way down.  The thing about that product was that I didn't do it primarily for taste but for nutrient content.  See, this person is chronically ill, so I figured I'd apply my dietetic knowledge to provide something that would enrich his diet and in turn yield health.  I was crestfallen when he said he'd prefered a less healthy one I did previously.  I put my all into that thing (and I pride myself on producing quality cakes)!!!.  Ah man I'm taking it hard.
It's demotivating when you put your all into something and it is met with little enthusiasm.  Although I was paid, it was unrewarding. Strange?
A wonda if mi know seh a nuh everyting mi fi chat pon dis yah open forum yah! An unnu naw share nuttin' back wid me-whoiiiiiii!!!!Mi done, mi cyaah tell yuh no more. A weh yuh gone? Come back man! A wah do yuh?
Mi naw go worry yaw! I did my best-even if it was not good enough for him and he couldn't appreciate the care that I put into it, it's good enough for me.

Sometimes you have to encourage yourself!

I am my owna Jodi tonight!
Yuh haffi go fin' smaddy else tideh!
I'll be yours tomorrow again-jus' need a night off!

Fish is a vegetable!

"Are you a vegetarian?"

"Yes"

"Oh dear, had I known I would have catered some 'veggie meat', I only have fish and chicken"

"I'll have the fish"

"Yeah?" "Aren't you vegetarian?"

"Yeah, but I eat fish, I'm pescatarian!"

"Isn't fish meat?"

"NO, fish is NOT meat"

"But it's a flesh food- a food from an animal"

"No! Fish is fish!"

Fish, in the minds of many vegetarians is an incredibly agile, living, breathing, face-bearing aquatic vegetable.
Fish, one person stated to me, is a food group in and of itself.  The adjusted food groups(based on this person's reasoning) therefore are:

• Staples
• Legumes and Nuts
• Vegetables
• Fish
• Food from Animals
• Fruits
• Fats and oils

(The original Caribbean Six Food groups excludes Fish as a food group, this was added to humour the suggestion but is NO WISE true).  Follow this link for the Caribbean Six Food Groups: http://www.paho.org/english/cfni/six_food_groups.pdf

According to the Caribbean Food and Nutrition Institute, the Caribbean authority on Nutrition information, fish is categorized as a Food from animal owing primarily to the major nutrient it supplies-protein.

The list of types of  'flesh' Foods from Animals are listed categorically below:

• Fish - cod, mackerel, salmon, sardines, snapper, swordfish, trout, tuna
• Shellfish - clams, crab, crayfish, lobster, mussels, oysters, prawns, scallops, squid (calamari)
• Game meats- rabbit, venison(deer)
• Meats - beef, lamb, pork, veal (including liver and kidney)
• Poultry - chicken, duck, goose, turkey (including liver and kidney   

*Non-flesh foods from animals include eggs, milk, cheese, yoghurt etc.

The Nutrition and Dietetic community does not categorize fish as a vegetable, despite the vehement claims by vegetarians that fish is not meat. From a technical standpoint fish is not red meat, neither is it poultry; it is not game or offal(organ meats).  It falls under the category of Fish! Fish? alright-Seafood!

Fish is not a vegetable!  Seaweed is! I'm not saying that the only constituent of the vegetarian diet is derived solely from the Vegetable food group but the assumption is that  the true vegetarian subsists entirely on plant-based foods. 

Fish is lower in saturated fat content than other flesh foods and contains omega 3 fatty acids which is touted for its health benefits, thus fish seems to be the leader of the fleshy Foods from Animals group because of its health promoting effects despite its reported high levels of mercury.  It still doesn't make sense why people claim the title of 'vegetarian' when they are out rightly consuming fish-a flesh food.
Check this- Chicken is lower in saturated fat than red meats such as beef; with this kind of reasoning why can't I be a "poultro-vegetarian"- a vegetarian who eats chicken and turkey(I just coined that one don't research it).  It's the same principle-fish is no less a food from animal than is chicken.  

Vegetarianism is more than a dietary abstinence from flesh foods , it is a philosophical stance rooted in spiritualism.  We must be aware of its meaning before we claim its title.  We'd be better off claiming a plant-based, whole-foods-eating status.

The stringent measures imposed by the vegan community are understandably done because of the degeneration of animals, the method of slaughter and the inhumane treatment of animals during captivity.  Free range foods from animals products(animals reared in open spaces) are choice products.  Research establishes the association between inhumanely slaughtered animals and decreased mental health in humans, listing decreased ability to handle stress and poor management of moods among the effects of its consumption  ...you are what you eat.

Let's avoid labels.  The important thing is that we consume a largely plant-based diet.  If you choose to indulge food from animals occasionally, or daily in limited amounts of the lean variety(skinless) as in the Mediterranean Diet, you will also benefit from lower cholesterol levels, lowered risk of heart disease and other chronic diseases-hypertension and diabetes.

The bible speaks of goat's milk, honey, cheese, and butter-all by-products of animals.  They were staple products in the Israelite diet.  Honey and locusts were prescribed for partakers of the Nazarite vow.  

We are commissioned to "call no man common nor unclean". It creates division and how dare we, when the only scriptural indictment on meat eating was given against consuming blood and organ meats(offal).  Let's just give thanks, eat, belch an' poop!

Mi aggo scale mi green leafy vegetable yah now!

If mi cudda jus' ketch it!  How dis yah veg a run so man-woi! a tyad!  Come 'ere! Y'a go dead tideh!

A cyaah title dah one yah

No brah!!!!!
Mi neva a plan fi pos', BUT when mi buck dis yah news yah, mi haffi renege pon mi promise to miself fi pos' pon wednesday.
Mi a comb di net fi a work when mi come crass dis yah:

Community Peer Educator
Category:	Health
Description:	* HIV/AIDS Prevention & Control Programme: St. Ann and St. Mary  Identifying and visiting Adolescent group, Young Adults, Sex Workers,Workplace and high risk areas/communities. Facilitating and conducting risk reduction sessions with high risk groups. Facilitating and conducting targeted community interventions. Conducting rapid HIV test and counselling sessions per health district
Qualifications:	At least five CXC subjects and/or Diploma in Health Promotion, Education, Social Sciences, Social Work, Marketing, and Community Development. Basic knowledge of HIV/STIs, Behaviour Change, Public Health and Health Promotion Ability to communicate effectively with peers and with people in authority Experience in attending night clubs, bars and exotic clubs
Deadline:	October 12, 2012

A beg yuh view di highlighted carefully.
Mi neva tink mi wudda see di day when dirtiness wudda be an asset-rather-a qualification fi a legit wok!!!!

Tell mi dis!!!!!

Aye sah!

Mi gone yaw!

Lata!

Lifelong learning

I'm lost.  Help me out a little here.

I hear of students enrolled in University switching programmes, an' dem poor parents nuh have it.

Di minute you switch yuh jus gradiate-no cum laude-nuttin.  Wi jus host an informal gradiation wid yuh madda as the commencement speaker, an' wi finish off wid a few slice a toto an' a glass a water.  Dat is in store fi any pickeney of mine who feel like dem wah fi switch OR yuh finance yuh owna education.  Inna dem yah hard times yah yuh nuh know wah fi do wid yuh life?

Prior to enrollment in college we need to carefully assess the decision the child has made.  Is there a market for it? Does the child have the aptitude for it?  Yuh disciplined enough?  Mine yuh en' up a trade school enuh-an dat is not a threat-yuh just might be better off.  No child is dunce.  You just have to find your niche.  Mek wi fin' out before mi staat spen' nuh whole heap a money nuh miss!

Bout inna your third year yuh nuh badda sure- No! yuh betta sure!  Finish it an' tek up someting pon yuh owna finance-pickeny haffi learn responsibility man.  Life nuh go so.

Yuh deh a school fi yuh whole life-put a different spin pon lifelong learning.  Not in my pocket book.

AWOAH!

Dis yah donkey yah bigga dan my back

The proverbial tale of the man carrying a donkey on his back may seem nonsensical (find the Aesop Fable here: http://www.pitt.edu/~dash/type1215.html), UNTIL yuh staat fi carry yuh owna dankey.
There are people in your life who you cannot afford to entertain-under ANY circumstance-these are your donkeys.  These people have no ends a prablem-pure crasses, mi mean e-n-d-l-e-s-s of the unsolvable sort.  Did somebody say burdensome?
There is a difference between di donkey dem an' people who are going through life tragedies and need a shoulder to cry on.  Donkeys come een like a recurring nightmare-dem cyaah eva guh weh, dem ever present with the SAME story even after you've provided feasible solutions and have invested hours-nay- days into giving an ear.
There is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing-a season for everything under the sun.  These people sap the energy from your life with their constant negativity.  You must know when to put an end to a perpetual cycle.  The devil uses these people as henchmen to prevent you from experiencing the fullness of joy you were meant to have-keepin' yuh up all night(wid di digicel 11 till daylight plan weh God neva inspire none-t'all) till yuh yeye bag dem a heng like tief pon crass.  It is not fair!  Yes! you who are stronger must strengthen those who are weak, I am aiming this discourse, however, at the ones who are never going to be alright, those for whom there will never be a sun in the sky.  If you've never encountered such a person-happy are ye, if you have like I have-woe unto you.


You know you are carrying a donkey when:

1. Yuh haffi a dodge people an' when yuh phone a ring yuh heart staat fi beat faas'. No peace!
2. Yuh tyad fi give unheeded advice.
3. Yuh ears a ring sake a di brayin'-they complain endlessly.
4.  They've already made up their mind as to what they are going to do with their life and are trying to convince you to be in agreement with it.  Their obstinate position makes their mental guard impenetrable. Stubban!
5. No Matlock cyaah solve di mysteries dem come wid.
6. Everybaddy roun' yuh a look pan yuh strange.  There is wisdom in counsel.  If those around you think you're being unduly pressured from this source of mental battery, it's probably true.

Tips for de-mounting di donkey from off yuh back:

1. Let them know the effect they're having on your mental health.  If it's bad enough you'll see the merit in taking this stance.
2.Refuse to answer their calls(after you've given them an ultimatum) OR give them a time limit on a call.  eg. "I only have five minutes to spare today.  I'm sorry but I'm really busy". Remember you have a divine responsibility to "protec' yuhself,protec' yuhself"-whatsoever things are good, pure, honest,...think on these things.  Donkey ha' credit enuh people-NUFF!  An dem know how fi stalk yuh prapally, 'bout "oops, we meet again" (did I hear a hee-haw?)jus' happen fi ALWAYS 'bump' into you-heh-dat deh carefully calculated mi fren-RUNNNN!!!!
3. Refer them to a more competent source than yourself.  Acknowledge your limitations-yuh cyaah solve everybaddy's prablems.  Some situations are so deeply rooted in past hurts and complex issues that only skilled clinicians wid di aid of di Trinity can help.

I am in no wise insensitive to human suffering.  I am aware though that I am not entirely equipped or mature enough to handle every single thing thrown my way.  Sometimes yuh haffi bow out gracefully.  That knowledge is empowering.  Furthermore, dankey mek fi bear burden!!!

Feel free to disagree with this post, state your position and let's work it out.

Tek care people and have a GREAT week.
You'll hear from me again soon.

Hugs!

I am your one and only Jodi!(mi nuh bizniss how much Jodi yuh know)

The bake sale report

So I told you that I'd report on the bake sale(refer to Bewildered Baker).

AYE SAH!!!!!
It. Was. Not. A. Success.(by man's standard)  I had no energy whatsoever.  To top it all off, I lost about 1/3 of the products to spoilage-the risky part of selling perishable goods.  Mi haffi go mek some rubba toto yaw!  Awrite I'm tired, you know let me not do this now-rubber toto? really Miss?
This is life-unpredictable! Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
I've had to take heart and submit to that awareness.  Failure is every bit as important as success.  There is an openness in the human spirit that follows failure that allows for deep learning which facilitates understanding.
Whilst I experienced financial loss, I gained morally and mentally.
I'm less afraid of that 'f' word now.  Listen, tek yuh likkle nasty...FAILURE is what I'm referring to.
Losing fear is a huge success in and of itself and the more I fail the more of it I lose which means that the more I fail, the more successful I become.  Makes sense?  I did not sign up with the Weed Head Academy(refer to blog post entitled Inglorious ganja http://whamiseh.blogspot.com/2012/09/inglorious-ganja.html )!!

This business is preparing me for life.  The lessons are transferable.  My love for people has been rekindled and I've discovered new and novel ways of penetrating the market with healthy baked products void of dairy, fat and eggs!!!

A special shout out to Mrs. Mc-Laughlin who taught me this skill. G.r.a.t.i.t.u.d.e.

Well guys pick out what you can from this post-ultimately-commit to juicing life of EVERYTHING it has to offer-E'RTHANG!

Later lil' ones.

I _m y_ur J_di