What a gwaan?

"Dis lang time now mi nuh see yuh, come mek wi walk an talk"-Heh-HEY!!!!!!

Whaapen putuses?
Mi miss unuh BAD BAD!

No, mi naw go tell unuh wha a gwaan inna mi life-unoo too faas-a joke yaw!  Y'all know I'm weak to you! Cho!

So mi board a taxi one day laas week, an tek in likkle Christian music offa one CD marked "Natural gospel".  Mi raise mi yeye brow, but den everyting inna Ja is natural: spring water, bag juice, KFC, fowl pill, skin bleach, padded panties (yielding di cock bottom effect), 'tall' hair, yeye lash, finganail, everyting!

Reach a mi destination an siddung fi do mi food handler's training.  Mi learn likkle sinting yes like:

• Yuh nuffi wash rice wid soap caw rat pee-pee pon di side a di rice bag an yuh a try fi salvage di res' a yuh stock
• Clarendon and Westmoreland has the highest incidence of Typhoid fever.(Dem nasty-BAD)
• Fab nuffi wash plate caw di chemical dem too harsh and can cause allergic reaction in some individuals (mi naw seh a dat mek yuh a choke, but go easy pon di Sud-Sud)
• Don't wash yuh aprons inna di cooking pot
• If yuh have discahrge coming from outta yuh yeye, ears or nose, yuh nuffi deh roun' a stove (NO COMMENT

Den one ooman siddung an a buss pure laugh TILL di  traina ooman gi out, "Gentlemen, please be advised to wear a beard guard while in the foodservice facility".  Nobaddy else inna di training never have no beard excep' SHE-an is a full plush beard she have too enuh-full a body, jus want a wash an set fi gi it di bounce weh di girl inna di Pantene Pro-V advertisement dem have.

So now mi a head home afta an eventful day.  Little did I know, dah one yah wudda tek di cake!  Hear dis, yes,hear-one dumb man pon di bus a look mi! Him nuh stop jook jook mi inna mi back.  Den him a mek all kinds of gestures weh mi fail fi understand.  Someting like seh him waa carry mi go pon a plane-mark yuh, is a 'ductor bwoy; an den mi aggo live inna farrin wid him weh him have all a him money.  Really?  Mi know seh mi wig never set straight pon mi head, but a so mi look like claffy???  You tell mi dis!!!  Den afta all a dat, him aggo have di nerve fi ask fi mi numba!!!!!  Mista SIR!  How mi aggo hear wah yuh a seh to mi if yuh cyaah talk?  Wah is di purpose of di exchange of numbas.  Mi dis bail offa di bus at first opportunity.

AYE!

Life is great!!!  Mek wi tek time out fi enjoy di simple pleasures.  They add value to our lives.

Tek care sweeties!

I am your long-lost Jodi