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Sunday, 30 September 2012

Rant:Downtown, the delightfully deplorable.

I had an important errand to run in the downtown area on Friday.  Visiting downtown is oftentimes therapeutic for me so I welcomed the opportunity to head on out.

Siddung inna di 22A bus headed fi downtown wid one million, seven 'undred and eighty five t'ousand, two 'undred and sixty seven(1,785,267) pickeney.  Ah dizzy from di counting.  Ribbons everywhere. Puberty inna full swing wid teenage bump a leap outta di pickeney dem pores-woi!  Every strand of hair inna di gyal pickney dem head 'tan up in stric' obedience to di styling gel.  Yuh notice seh yuh rarely see a natural hair pickeney again eida mi shudda tun hairdressa fi mek nuff money or mi fi go mek creme.

One dumb man come on pon di bus a sell peanut cake, drops an' grater cake(yuh did affi look fi know).  Di pickney dem a tease him cause a di likkle funny soun' him a mek-dem nuh fraid? Yes dem bawn areddy, but dem pickney dem nuh bawn yet-anyt'ing possible.

Barry G a play inna background. Dah man yah still deh bout?  Watch ya!  Health foundation at dat! I love JA!  Mi look outta di winda fi divert mi attention from di boring Immaculate high past student pon di radio wid Barry G-a mi alma mater but mi cyaa compromise wid dis young miss-she borin' bad! No support!
Unnu look yah- mi jus see some tiefin' police a check high powered vehicles fi rake in a bribe money-times hard yes.  Ah cyaah manage!
Bike man, truck man, jilapy(jalopy), crissas, everybaddy deh pon road whedda dem have 1/2 tank a gas or it full or di red light weh signify 'empty' a blink inna one hypnotic sequence, whedda dem have insurance or not, buy license or not, everybaddy a travel.

NO! a who poop inna di govament AC yellow bus?  Ah cyaah concentrate-dah poop yah real enuh star!

As mi look up mi si  di Vienna sausage mascot 'Vinnie' pon di billboard wid 'im guitar, mi neva even realize seh ah so sachiz(sausage) ha' talent.

Yuh si dis yah bleach out face gyal yah? When mi seh nepazone, jaze, full strent clorox, wid a splash of Harpic!!!Woy-yo-yoy!

Mi reach downtown-into the heart of the concrete jungle. Mi seh when mi pitch deh mi clearly see why dem call it so, cause a pure doggish, hoggish, animalistic behaviour di people dem a carry on wid.

Di rich aroma of weed permeate the already thick downtown atmosphere.  Mi mek sure mi rehearse what a  composite numba is, lip a jump fi ansa(refer to blog entitled  Inglorious ganja

If you see di 'mount a people dem weh have on tattoo pon every part of dem anatomy, den dem bleach out dem skin till it thin an' ready fi bruk out inna sore.  NO SAH!!!!!  What is happening????  Den dem siddung inna di sunhot underneat' ten layer of clothes.  Mi spirit grope when mi see dem.  Yuh all a drop an' a 'pread weh how dem false yeyelash dem long an a trip yuh.  Anytime dem blink is a mighty gust of wind blow cross di nation. Why can't we be ourselves?  Mi naw seh wi cyaa augment enuh-caw mi personally like fi tweak here an' there, but altering one's skin tone, mutilating your body parts is beyond normal.  'Pose yuh see piercing?  Everyweh bore up AN LOOK BAD.  If it did look good well...A wah do wi?!?!?!  No mi ask wid all seriousness.
It just want one big sign dung deh fi heng crassway di light post dem weh read-ZOO.  Mi a put it to di Minister of Tourism fi consider showcasing di exotic wildlife weh deh inna di downtown area. Trus mi-dah one yah name Farrin Exchange!  

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